She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize