She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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