I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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