btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
