I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
