im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
