I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
