Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
