I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
