Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
