I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
