id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize