need another drink. this is the easiest way
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
