Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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