If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
