And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
