to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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