I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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