these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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