I smell stomach acid.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
