the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
