I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
