You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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