I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He passed out mid-signature
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
