How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
