I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize