11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
