yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize