The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
