My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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