i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
