hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
there is glitter all over my balls
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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