Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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