just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
