Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
