Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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