do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
