I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
