Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize