I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
