Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
