I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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