im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can you bring me the toilet please
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
