I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
