Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
