i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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