What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
