the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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