So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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