For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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