its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
