I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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