I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
