he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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