I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
