If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
