Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
