Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
