So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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