she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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