it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
