Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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