Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
