he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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