We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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